Monday, March 29, 2010

It's Time!

"Time wastes our bodies and our wits, but we waste time, so we are quits" -Author Unknown-

It’s time! It’s been 3 months and it’s becoming my comfort zone. It’s pretty hard to admit that I do enjoy this jobless moment. Being lazy and being on a state of denial that I should make a living for myself. I don’t proud of this behavior, really… but it just feels good and tempting. But deep down, there’s a voice yelled at me “ARE YOU WILL BE A LAZY FREELOADER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, PETTY?!”

Here’s the deal, I’m not coming from big fortune family and I don’t living on my family expenses support which means if I don’t have a job, I couldn’t afford anything. Not to mention I don’t have tons of gold and dimes in my saving account. Based on those facts I don’t have a choice to spank my lazy ass and seriously looking for a job. Jobless is only for people who either too rich or too poor, not for middle class. Unfair, huh? I guess not, maybe It’s just me who motivation-less, I always on state of detachment from anything. When I get too excited about something, the more easier I lost my excitement. It feels like do a bungee-jump, the excitement, fears, curiosity, anxiety always happened on a first jump but on a second or third jump is nothing but a plain-flat feeling because you've already experienced too many emotions on a first attempt.

That's what happened to me when I was looking for my first job and because I'm an extreme, I started looking for a job even after my big final test (I presumed that I'll passed the test, anyway) and I set a 6 month limit time for got the job, if I don't get it, I failed. Yeah, I know, I lil' bit extreme on this point. So, I worked my ass up, being stressful if I'm not passed my own target, I even got anxiety attack...hehe. Guess what? I got the job on a very next day after my graduation ceremony! Wooo.... the kick-ass feeling I ever had, I still remember how it feels until now.

And here I am, a year after those amazing feelings. Jobless by choice and ironically loves it. My life is always ironically funny...hehehe. I've been there too many times. Sometimes people said I always passed good opportunity that I have. Truth to be told, finding a job is hard and I'm one of those lucky bastards who's got a job straight after my graduation. After a year of working I just quit for reason that people (and myself) couldn't understand. I quit because I just feel like it...haha..indeed, a very cocky reason. Maybe I just easily give-up on pressure and boringness, I have to admit that's been my problem since I was at school. Either the pressure it's too high or too low, it always makes me wanna runaway and get bored. Such an asshole, right?

I well aware that I have to deal with this before the time is running out, the clock is always ticking and I'm getting older on every second of my life. I decided to taking seriously this job-seeking from now on. Either I like the job or not, there will always be end-of-the-month paycheck that could buy a little sip of happiness.

Well, have a nice life wherever you are...

Toddles.


Friday, March 26, 2010

Late Thoughts

It's almost late, here I am still writing this gibberish thoughts...hehe. Let's see how this post will be ended. I'll write everything that cross my mind this evening. Let's get started...

There's a saying that "Each people are special, each people are born to make it something special in life" Yeah, maybe I little misquote it but hopefully you got my point..hehe. I don't remember who said those words, but it turns out pretty helpful for not easily giving up. Giving up is the easiest choice for most circumstances. Suicide and divorce are common things to do for channeling giving up attitude. Well, I don't know about divorce, really..hehe. It's just my plain selfish accusation as act of giving up. Some people said there's lot of reasons behind those thing. Abusive partner, intolerable disagreement, economic issues, unforgivable infidelity. Maybe they already tried so hard to commit but it just didn't work out.

There's another quote that I really like, you probably know this one "Blessed Are the forgetful for they better even of their blunders." It's from Friedrich Nietzsch. If you've already watched Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, that quote became they main idea for the movie. There's many different interpretations about this quote. As to me is just simply forgive and forget, moving on. It works to me effectively, I rarely took too many glances in the past. For me whatever happens in the past stay in the past. Well, it doesn't means past isn't affect anything in the future. Of course, it does. Just don't let the past altering your future.

What am I doing here, really? Wakakakak... What am I writing about? Have you ever encounter clueless moment in life? Don't know what to do and don't have any plan. Me? Guilty as charge, darling! I've been there too many times, it sucks for sure. For me it makes me feel powerless. Sometimes I just wanna scream "GOD, WHAT THE HELL I SUPPOSED TO DOOOOOO?????!!!!!" Just give me a sign!!!! Usually, we live our life based on plan. An unwritten plan that passed in our middle class society for a hundred years..hehe.. THE PLAN is: go to school-go to the most reputable college-get a good grade-get a job-get married-have a kid-have another kid and repeat those circle your kids. And on one state in your life, when everything seems too stagnant but too many responsibilities have been put on your shoulder. You just realize with big question mark on your forehead "What am I doing here?", "Is this what I really want?", "Why am I doing this?". Hopefully I don't reach those state, but if I am so help me God. Just to even think about it makes goosebumps on my arms.

Alrighty, I better sign off, it's getting nowhere...hehe... Since I don't really know what I'm writing about.

Toddles.
Have a good night wherever you are.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ngerasa Bersalah



Reaksi yang paling gue sebel (dan fed up) semenjak gue memutuskan untuk meliburkan diri sementara dari pekerjaan dan kehidupan realita penuh tanggung jawab (sedaaaaappp......) adalah reaksi seperti:
  • "Ya, ampun...kenapa kok sampe keluar??".
  • "Petty udah dapet kerjaan lagi, belum?" (asli, pertanyaannya retoris banget, kalo gak ngapain juga siang hari gini masih maen di rumah anaknya tante...huehehe).
  • "Ya, udah... kamu mendingan kawin aja, deh..." (ini adalah salah satu ide yang sangat delusional... No, thanks...hehe)

Atau yang paling aneh, kemaren pas gue lagi job interview, terjadi percakapan kayak gini:

Interviewer : "Kamu kerja di kantor '........' udah setahun?"
Petty yang keren :"Iya, mas..."
Interviewer :"Kenapa memutuskan buat keluar?"
Petty yang keren :"Ya, pengen ganti suasana aja dan saya pengen ngelanjutin belajar web design"
Interviewer :"Baru setahun, ya...?" +lha, tadi kan gue udah bilang...hehehe+

Diam sejenak. +krik..krik.....+

Interviewer
:".....mmmm...Sayang sekali, ya baru setahun sudah resign"

Ya, ampuuunnn....... kok jadi dia yang nyesel, ya??? Dari raut mukanya dia aja keliatan nyesel lo, bo. Jadi heran gue...wakakakakakakak... Situasi yang aneh bin lucu. Mungkin silver lining-nya dia bakal menerima gue jadi pegawainya, kali, ya...huehehehehe.... Maybe he'll took a pity on me as a dying-for-a-job-little-girl.....huekkkkkkk....

Let me tell you one thing for sure:
my decision on job resignation, it's not for something to be pity of. Sangat menyebalkan kalau setiap gue bilang gue udah gak kerja, raut muka mereka langsung berubah jadi pity-look mode. Apa yang salah, ya dari keputusan gue? Heran 7 keliling.... Pertama, gue juga gak bakalan nyusahin orang lain, Kedua, emak gue aja nyantai apalagi babe gue, Ketiga dan yang paling penting, GUE-nya aja nyantai aje, this is my decision, my consequence.

Tiap kali gue bilang "I've already quit my job" Langsung, deh wajah-wajah itu pada berubah murung...huahahahaha... Memang orang Indonesia sympathetic banget, ya. Yang gak kalah seru pastinya ada orang-orang yang emang bermental assholes gak mau ketinggalan ngasih komen "menyenangkan" kayak "Jadi pengangguran, dong lo...hahahahihihihi...." dengan ekspresi lo-lebih-rendah-dari-gue-karena-gue-kerja. Coba jelaskan pada saya arti kata "Pengangguran" Define the word, please. Ada orang yang berangkat kerja tiap hari tapi pas sampe kantor cuma ngecek Facebook dan chatting... Apa bedanya sama gue coba? Oh, mungkin yang bikin berbeda orang itu pergi ke kantor tiap hari jadi kelihatannya jauh lebih "sibuk" dibanding gue yang dirumah aja. Nice... lain kali gue blogging-nya di warnet aja biar kelihatan lebih sibuk karena tiap hari harus keluar rumah. Tolong dibedakan antara "gak produktif" sama "pengangguran". Kata "Pengangguran" cuma ada ketika lo belum/tidak bekerja di kantor, sebuah kata yang dibuat oleh society. Dan supaya social-acceptable lo harus punya kerjaan di kantor walaupun kadang-kadang cuma untuk "keliatan" sibuk padahal gak produktif.

Don't take this in the wrong way, bukan berarti gue gak suka sama orang-orang yang kerja di kantor. I do know lot of people, who's very dedicated on their job dan memang menghasilkan sesuatu untuk kantornya. I dedicated this to mentally assholes people, who looks down on me just because I quit my job. Kalau meminjam pernyataan Dewi Lestari dari salah wawancara di teve "Saya produktif cuma gak sibuk". Don't pity me just because I'm still 23 and jobless. Why bother for having a job that I didn't like? I'd rather go out and play. Enjoy the moment and be productive in my own way.


Have a nice life wherever you are.... Toddles.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Parallel Synchronized Randomness

Minggu-minggu ini kegiatan nonton DVD gue makin seru. Ketauan banget, ye kehidupan sosial gue gak seseru film-film DVD gue...wakakakakak.... Honestly, fiction is always more awesome than reality...hehe.. That's why Twilight laku keras gara-gara banyak cewek yang pengen punya laki-laki idaman kayak si Eddie Cullen, vampir vegetarian yang menyala dalam gelap...eh, salah (glow in the dark, kaleee...) vampir berkilau di cahaya matahari.....huahahahaha... A very weird concept of vampire.

Eniwei, balik ke topik utama, yang pernah nonton film "The Science of Sleep" karya salah satu filmmaker favorit gue, Michel Gondry, pastinya familiar dengan quote "PSR=Parallel Synchonized Randomness". Kedengarannya ilmiah dan keren banget, ye...hehehe. PSR itu maksudnya adalah kejadian-kejadian random dalam hidup yang terjadi seperti sudah direncanakan sebelum dan memang "meant to happen". Bingung? Sama, dong...hehe... Oke, let me give you an example, Pastinya pernah ngalamin situasi dimana lo kenalan sama orang dan ternyata orang itu juga kenal sama sahabat lo. Atau contoh yang lebih lucu, cowok lo selingkuh sama temen kuliahnya dan ternyata temen kuliahnya itu saudaranya sahabat lo...mmmhh?

Kejadian diatas disebut Parallel Synchronized Randomness atau lebih simpelnya "there are no coincidences in life" Kalo menurut bahasa pujangga, sih kejadian-kejadian dalam hidup udah diatur oleh alam semesta (cielah..). Gue jadi inget kejadian waktu jaman gue kuliah, alkisah gue memutuskan untuk gak satu kelompok sama "tim sukses kerja kelompok gue "(maksudnya satu kelompok sama sahabat gue yang pinter terus gue tinggal titip nama...wakakakakak...) Gue gabung sama kelompok yang gak pernah satu kalipun dalam sejarah perkuliahan gue satu kelompok sama mereka. Alhasil, kerja kelompoknya dipenuhi pertumpahan darah dan airmata gara-gara gue berantem melulu sama si ketua kelompok walaupun akhirnya kita berhasil ngerjain tugas dengan hasil yang oke dan sukses bikin gue sebel sama si pak ketua. Tapi alam semesta rupanya merencanakan sesuatu buat gue, ketika gue lagi ribet-ribetnya job hunting tiba-tiba gue dapet YM dari si ketua kalo ada vacancy di agency tempat saudaranya kerja. And guess what, his offer lead me to my first job!

Kadang-kadang keputusan yang out of habit, kayak keputusan gue buat ganti kelompok itu bisa lead you to another good things atau kalo lagi sial lead you to another sucks things. Depends how you see it, sih kalo mengutip perkataan Albert Einstein:
"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."

Kalo gue lebih prefer pernyataan yang kedua, bikin lebih gue positive-minded dan ceria, ibaratnya makan gak makan asal ngumpul...wakakakkakak... So, I guess we should more open to all life's possibilities. Let's spread love and friendship to people.

Alrighty, have a nice life whenever you are...
Toddle.


Monday, March 08, 2010

Unproductively Browsing

Uhuy, si pemalas back to the game.... Memang saya udah lama gak posting, alasannya? Of course, males...wakakakakakak... Seharian ini gue menghabiskan waktu dengan browsing sambil applying job vacancy, tapi kalo dari presentasenya, sih banyakan nontonin Youtube-nya dibanding applying...hehehe.. Pardon me, senang-senang emang always serves first, it's so hard to resist. Dan tadi baru aja dapet undangan interview tapi kalo denger lokasinya di daerah Pluit..bleeccchh... Gimana caranya gue kesana, secara antah berantah banget. Padahal menurut websitenya kantornya ada di daerah mampang...mmm...weird?? Haruskah gue tetap nekat kesana? Entahlah, ya nanti saja gue pikirin lagi...


Eniwei, menurut report dari Associated Press (AP) film "The Hurt Locker" berhasil membawa pulang Oscar buat "Best Picture" plus Kathryn Bigelow yang juga berhasil membawa pulang Oscar untuk "Best Director" Senangnyaaa..... Gue pikir bakal Avatar..hehe.. Even gue suka sama Avatar baik dari segi cerita maupun inovasi teknis-nya tapi kayaknya "Best Picture" terlalu 'too much', deh... Honestly gue agak kaget waktu Avatar menang Golden Globe dan James Cameron menang Golden Globe "Best Director". Di Oscar hari ini "The Hurt Locker" berhasil membawa pulang 6 Oscar dari 9 nominasi termasuk "Best Original Screenplay" yang ditulis Mark Boal. Buat yang belum nonton "The Hurt Locker" silahkan dicari, deh filmnya.. Recommended watch, lho film ini. Buang jauh-jauh persepsi kalo award-winning film susah dicerna dan bikin boring (some of them, yes...hehe) tapi untuk "The Hurt Locker" film ini sangat menarik untuk ditonton, ceritanya mengalir dengan baik dan dikemas dengan pengambilan gambar yang semi-dokumenter sehingga berasa lebih "real". Tema filmnya juga berbeda dari film-film mengenai perang sejenis, yang biasanya mengambil cerita dari combat soldier-nya kayak "Black Hawk Dawn" atau "Saving Private Ryan" alias tembak-tembakan terus...hehehe... walaupun emang seru.

Malam ini gue berencana ngelanjutin nonton "Sense and Sensibility" (yang main Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, sama si "Professor Snape" Alan Rickman ) Gue berhasil nemuin DVDnya weekend kemaren tapi belum nonton sampai tuntas karena keburu modar...wakakakakak... Kayaknya harus ada limit dosis untuk nonton DVD dan sebaiknya tidak lebih dari 3 film/hari secara maraton. Kayaknya nonton DVD udah jadi addiction buat gue, dari dulu gue gak bisa tidur sebelum nonton DVD dulu at least 1 film.


Weekend kemaren, gue dapet banyak DVD yang cukup interesting. Yang udah gue nonton baru 4 film:

  1. The Piano: Filmnya Jane Campion tahun 1993. Kalo mau liat si Sookie Stackhouse waktu masih kecil, tonton film ini. Aktingnya oke banget, pantas saja kalo Anna Paquin dapet Oscar's "Best Supporting Actress" untuk perannya ini. Shot-shot gambarnya indah dan poetic. Cerita dan karakternya juga kuat. Superb performances!!
  2. Secretary: Ini film one of a kind yang pernah gue tonton!!! Inilah romantic-comedy film dengan tema "sadomasokis". Iye, lo gak salah denger... Eh, tapi jangan berkhayal kalo film ini bakalan hardcore atau serem...hehe... Jauh banget dari situ, kok. Diperankan oleh Maggie Gyllenhaal dengan sangat keren!!! Believablely strange!! tapi entah mengapa, film ini cukup romantis buat gue, despite their sexual act yang tidak biasa....hehe...nice!!
  3. In Bruges: Gue emang telat nonton film ini. Padahal udah banyak review yang bilang kalo akting Colin Farrell disini sayang untuk dilewatkan. Ternyata emang benar sekali, kawan!!!! Kalo biasanya gue selalu liat Colin berperan sebagai tough guy, disini dia sukses berperan sebagai hitman yang rada bloon dan berpotensi suicidal...hehe... Dengan aksen Irish yang asik buat didenger ditambah alur cerita ala Guy Ritchie. Film kocak ini sukses menghibur gue apalagi lokasi Bruges, Belgium yang fairytale-like akan ngebuat penonton ingin berkunjung kesana.
  4. 28 Weeks Later: Gue selalu suka film zombie asal gak terlalu gore dan bukan buatan Owe Boll...hehe. Udah lama gue berencana nonton film ini, tapi entah kenapa tiap kali mo beli gak jadi melulu. Sekuel yang cukup mumpuni untuk film 28 Days Later. Lebih high-paced dan bikin adrenaline-rush. Dari segi cerita juga bagus dan mengalir dengan enak. Well done!
Cukup memuaskanlah untuk penalakukan gue kali ini. Soalnya agak jarang untuk dapetin mood dan film yang pas buat DVD maraton. Kadang-kadang mood gue lagi oke banget, film selection lagi gak ada yang oke atau vice versa. Nice weekend for me indeed!!


Okay, Toddles everyone!!!

Have a nice life wherever you are...